I know what it's like to have to feel like it's all your fault. In about 2nd grade i think i was living with my mom. Shortly after that school year started my mom and grandma decided it was best that i live with my grandma i have been living with her ever since then. Things are great here i'm in a better living environment i have stricter rules and i and get what is needed whenever i need it. In about 6th grade i was coming home from PEAK, an after school daycare until my grandma got home from work and all i remember from that day is walking in the door and seeing my grandma sitting on the couch. She said to come sit next to her and i just thought i had gotten in trouble but it was much more than that, she said that i had been taken away from my parents temporarily...i was crushed i didn't understand why this happened but about a week before hand i was going to counseling and i had told my counselor that me and my dad were playing around and he slapped me and she took that wrong and got me my two brothers and my two sisters taken away.
Still to this day i think it's my fault they say that it wasn't but i'll always think it was. After that i was still living with my grandma but i just couldn't see my mom. It was the hardest months of my life. My mom could visit me supervised only and we would make posters and she would tell me she misses me trying to hold back the tears. I would cry in the shower at night and when ever i saw a picture of me and my mom i missed her. My dad was in prison at the time when we got taken away so i had no mom or dad but i did have my grandma. I still live with my grandma now and im in 9th grade she makes the decisions for me and i know that i will always be safe with her telling me what to do.
Recently i've made some mistakes, i've lied to my grandma and she didn't deserve that i know that i shouldn't have done what i did but i did it anyways i know now not to lie to her. She tells me it's my fault and that i caused all this which i mean i did but i can't go to sleep, i can't eat the food she gives me, i can't even talk to her without feeling guilty for lying to her. At night i cry, I cry because i know this is all my fault everything bad that's happened to me or that's happening to me is all my fault. I only cry when people aren't around because i don't like showing my feelings or talking about them.
I know what it's like to have everything that ever mattered to you taken away. I know what it's like to feel so guilty that you don't even want to be around anyone.. I know what it's like to keep everything bottled up inside, and most importantly i know what it's like to feel so alone you feel like you're nothing. Eventually i will get over all of this but i will still feel guilty about what had happened.
Still to this day i think it's my fault they say that it wasn't but i'll always think it was. After that i was still living with my grandma but i just couldn't see my mom. It was the hardest months of my life. My mom could visit me supervised only and we would make posters and she would tell me she misses me trying to hold back the tears. I would cry in the shower at night and when ever i saw a picture of me and my mom i missed her. My dad was in prison at the time when we got taken away so i had no mom or dad but i did have my grandma. I still live with my grandma now and im in 9th grade she makes the decisions for me and i know that i will always be safe with her telling me what to do.
Recently i've made some mistakes, i've lied to my grandma and she didn't deserve that i know that i shouldn't have done what i did but i did it anyways i know now not to lie to her. She tells me it's my fault and that i caused all this which i mean i did but i can't go to sleep, i can't eat the food she gives me, i can't even talk to her without feeling guilty for lying to her. At night i cry, I cry because i know this is all my fault everything bad that's happened to me or that's happening to me is all my fault. I only cry when people aren't around because i don't like showing my feelings or talking about them.
I know what it's like to have everything that ever mattered to you taken away. I know what it's like to feel so guilty that you don't even want to be around anyone.. I know what it's like to keep everything bottled up inside, and most importantly i know what it's like to feel so alone you feel like you're nothing. Eventually i will get over all of this but i will still feel guilty about what had happened.